It is just after 10 a.m. of a peaceful Tuesday morning and a day off work for me.
According to the Weather Channel it was supposed to be blasting rain today, but there is a mottled blue sky above framing the golden brown leaves on the nearby trees and taking me back to the fall of 1996 when I sat at my old DOS based computer texting my journal, marveling that the color of the text seemed to mirror the color of the leaves.
In those days though, I would never have known what the word “texting” signified. I was still “typing”.
I was an early member of the Vancouver Community Network then and able to surf the net, but all in text format…there were no graphics of any kind. It was still amazing though that I could search my local library and even reserve books over the computer, or research an item or topic. I can’t recall how I did it exactly though, before the omnipotent “Google”!
Before I owned a computer, I carried a notebook with me everywhere, and I was always “journaling”, scribbling dreams, poems, prayers and memories. I began to write so swiftly in a kind of stream of consciousness that my writing became largely illegible to anyone but me and when I review those journals today, even I have trouble deciphering some of the writing.
My apartment is filled with boxes containing roughly 40 years of notebooks full of these writings, plus one or two book manuscripts that have not reached publication and perhaps never will, now that I have discovered blogging.
A few years back, I couldn’t imagine a time when I was not yearning to see my records on the music charts or a newly published book on the best seller list, but these days, for whatever reasons, time has slowed down and I have no such aspirations.
Time has slowed down and at the same time paradoxically speeded up! I realize that it is swiftly slipping past me and that for the sake of my children and for posterity I would do well to leave some markers of my journey for those who follow. And my journey has been nothing short of extraordinary, a near impossible tracking of space and time from my childhood in Winnipeg to my current one-step-at-a-time daily ritual.
I can do now what I could never have done in my twenties and that is to hold down a steady job. I was too troubled, confused and brimming with desires and emotions I couldn't understand and which I was unable to share with anyone. I had yet to learn to heal and to learn the lessons that healing brings.
In learning these lessons, some of them extremely difficult, I had a chance to try my wings, discovered I could fly and flew managing to live some of the life I dreamed of as a child.
So for now, a steady job and the maintenance of a daily structure is my recipe for wholeness.
But who knows what tomorrow holds in store?
All that I know is that I am thankful for every day and night spent enjoying this precious life.
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6 comments:
Hi Baba
I am working my way through a book by Kabir Helminski, whose work you
are likely aware of. The title is Living Presence. The pictures that you offer in your blog give me a sense of that, as has the joy I have experienced in your company.
When I have spent time with you, it is always as if something magic is in the air. The magic is not just between you and I, but I observe it in your interactions with all whom we encounter.
People must feel that presence in you and respond in ways that seem to light the path we walk along. You do have much to share and I, for one, delight in your doing so, either in your blog or if you should ever decide to write a book.
One thing that surprises me is
that I remember that magic from when we were children. As difficult as that time was, there was some joy . I believe that joy has always drawn me back (from whatever precipice of the material world I was heading for) to a place of simple joy. I knew instinctively that the wealth of
the world could not give me what I longed for.
hahah what did we ever do before the omnipotent google. My doctor
hates Google, whenever I come in with my tentative self diagnosis. On the other hand --since doctors have relinquished the role of God, where else can we turn.
M.
Thank you dear sweet sister.
As children, you were always at my side and ready to take on the challenge of any game...and we were "the gamesters"!
This was before the internet and video gaming and the rule of thumb even in the winter snows was, "Go outside and play and don't come back until dinner is ready."
Being tired after a day of school was not an option.
We manufactured our realities on the evidence of our senses and the elements of nature provided to us.
Your "givingness" and willingness to suspend judgement in the face of the moment has always been an inspiration to me.
I love you and am honored to be your brother and still, after all these years, your friend.
Shall we segue into the next game?
baba
Hi Baba,
I just sent you an email containing a short story (it really is pretty short). I enjoyed it. I hope you do too. I hardly ever thing of bygone days so when I read your blog occasionally you remind me of my roots. When I was a young girl I remember you wrote in my Diary: No Matter if your marks be low or your homework you can't do; Remember that the Might Oak was once a little nut like you.... Boy, did you ever hit the nail on the head with that one Baba. Ha, Ha, Ha Love Dianne
xx/oo
Thanks for the happy memory Dianne!
Not a bad little ditty, but I might have cribbed it from somewhere.
In fact, it sounds a lot like mom's style of humour, now that I think about it.
love
baba
Baba......Always good to read your thoughts and the adventures of your days. There is so much in those moments, isn't there?
We need to get you down here (Seattle/Tacoma) for a Chris Lunn event. I have spoken with him about it and he would love to see you. I would as well. Practice those guitar chops. 2008 might just be the year...
Jim
Thanks for the comment Jim...
I'm still not sure whether I would come to play but might come to listen and...
to sit in the presence of two great friends...
baba
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